January 2012
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I'm back.
I think. I haven’t done any typing of more than 140 characters outside of work for 8 months. Twitter and FB have reduced my gobshite-y ways to almost nothing. This could be tough.
This isn’t, as you might be thinking, a new year resolution. I’ve found that trying to elaborate in Twitter recently has led to some confusion, nonsense and serious damage to the english language. So I...
April 2011
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The Pied Piper of Twitter
In biblical times, do you think that during a bit of down time Jesus got his apostles together, and started counting? To check just how many followers he had? No. And let’s face it, Jesus was all about spreading the word, right? So more followers equals more word, er, spreadage.
If Jesus were around today he would, of course, use the medium of Twitter to spread his word. Twitter would do...
December 2010
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Inception
I watched Inception last night. Eventually. I tried to watch it using Virgin Media’s much trumpeted Movies-on-Demand service, and after charging me a fiver it took 7 tries to finally get the film to play, citing ‘high demand’ and ‘quote this number’. If it’s charged me 7 lots of five pounds there will be riots, let me tell you.
Anyway. Inception was hyped...
November 2010
3 posts
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Nerd Overload - 4 months later
In July, I removed the wonky, shonky OS from my Acer Aspire and installed the sexy new Chrome based Jolicloud instead. I said then that it was ‘awesome’, but that was my 2 hour old first impression. It soon became apparent that a lot of things didn’t quite work as they should; flash playing was jerky, video was clunky, connections were hit-and-miss.
Luckily though, Jolicloud...
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Third Twin
I was informed today by my brother that there was supposedly a selection of leaked Daft Punk tunes rejected from the Tron soundtrack floating about on Youtube. And there was, under the name Third Twin. Who were these mysterious masked men? As soon as I got home from work I fired up the laptop, and reviewed these potential masterpieces.
Ah.
After a bit of research (and I mean a bit, as there...
September 2010
1 post
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Arse-assin's Creed 2
I’ve just stopped playing Assassin’s Creed 2. Not because I finished it, not because I was stuck, but because I was thrown out of the deep, believable, immersive game environment like a drunk teenager being chucked out of the Madison.
AC2 began slowly. The tutorial missions went on, and on, and on, despite the fact that the controls were intuitive and often displayed on the screen...
August 2010
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July 2010
8 posts
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Sherlock
I watched Sherlock this evening. It was very good, maybe excellent. Fast paced, funny, clever, dramatic, everything a good drama should be. It has some clever modern touches, such as the floating text messages (pioneered by Hollyoaks), and the use of computers and mobiles to drive the plot along.
I’ve got one or two reservations though. As a detective drama, it may feel completely...
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Nerd Overload
After work today, instead of playing Xbox or flopping in front of the telly as I am wont to do, I installed a new operating system on my netbook.
No! Come back!
Acer’s much vaunted Aspire One netbooks come pre-installed with Linux, which for those who don’t know, is like Windows but much, much more terrifying and counter intuitive. Imagine driving a car, and every time you want to...
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The 3rd Best World Cup...Ever!
In my lifetime, anyway. I was too young to appreciate Spain 82 and Mexico 86. My first experience of World Cups was Italia 90, where I watched in open mouthed amazement as all of these wonderful, exotic players lit up the screen; Scillachi, Gascoigne, Careca, Skuhravy, Higuita, Milla, Baggio, Maradona, Klinsmann amongst many others.
It was a glimpse into the sheer wonder of football, the...
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June 2010
5 posts
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No Good
Where I work, the radio station of choice is Smooth FM, a radio station almost exclusively designed to make old men reminisce and make young men suicidal. 24 hours a day of Smashy and Nicey style DJs with a back catalogue of Rod fucking Stewart and A Whiter Shade of Pale at least 3 times an hour.
Lately, the recent revival of ‘big band’ singers (Winehouse, Buble and to a lesser extent...
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'The' Football
It was vaunted as men against boys. In my experience, whenever I’ve played football against anybody much younger than myself they have run rings round me. And so it was to be…
The Lampard ‘goal’, thankfully didn’t matter, because we’d never have heard the last of it. It would have been the hand of God, Beckham’s red, Ronaldinho’s...
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Big Brother
Big Brother started last night. It was the least surprising thing ever. We knew it was coming, having been promoted ever-more furiously by Channel 4 over the last few weeks. When it finally came, with much bluster and noise, some unknown weirdos went through a door and then kissed each other on the cheeks, including the men.
Big Brother used to be THE big thing on TV. Now it appeals only to bored...
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Don't panic...
I’m still alive. Just. It’s been a while, right? I think my last post was something to do with some chap called Adolf and how we really shouldn’t trust him? Yeah, something like that. “I hold in my hand..”, yeah put it down pal, he’s a shitpot and we know it.
I’ve been back to Egypt. Invariably, I got the shits. I didn’t tell Tripadvisor that...
April 2010
1 post
March 2010
5 posts
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Hello Blog!
Oh, hello blog! It’s been a while! Since I typed in your spacious box, with metaphoric double entendre. Or something. So, what have I been up to, you (both) might ask?
I’ve been bored. Bored shitless at times. I was bored at work today, for example, and vandalised my iPod sock. It passed 5 minutes, I suppose.
I’ve been to the match. I hate going to the match. The seat which I...
February 2010
3 posts
1 tag
More Football
Apart from the previously mentione Tutti Frutti Guti Backheely this was the best goal of last week.
Sky Sports lavished in it’s beauty. The speed and control from Nani, the speed and sheer determination from Rooney. Jamie Reknapp, known for neither of these things in his career, spouted mockney platitudes about Rooney being ‘the best in the world’ and ‘a one man...
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Mass Effect 2
I bought Mass Effect 2 the other day. This is partly the reason the daily diary thing has ceased to be (the other partly being the lack of interesting things in my life). So it’s back to ‘I like this, but not that’ again.
And I like Mass Effect 2 (ME2). The original ME was a potentially stunning achievement, ruined by sloppy AI and a horrific comabt system. Luckily, Bioware must...
January 2010
26 posts
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Monday 25th January
The start of another soul crushing week. I’m getting quite fed up of the cold and dark on a morning, my first day off of the year on February 15th can’t come soon enough. It was back to the diet as well after the weekend’s excesses. I’ve got quite good now, none of the usual week on it/weekend off it forget to get back on it routine that I’ve managed in the past. It...
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Sunday 24th January
I spent some of today wrestling with the wozbox website, trying to make one standard sidebar that would appear on each page, so in the event of changes I wouldn’t have to change 7 sidebars. Can’t do it though, for the life of me. Anyone?
Next door offered us further filmage. We tried to watch Rise of the Footsoldier, but it was possibly the worst film I’ve ever clapped eyes on....
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Saturday 23rd January
Saturday meant film night.
The wife chose 27 Dresses, a rom-com about a woman with severe mental issues that caused her to be addicted to weddings. She was always the bridesmaid, but never the…ah, you might as well not watch it now.
My pick was Be Kind Rewind. I featured one of my least favourite actors, Jack Black. He basically played Jack Black in it, but failed to spoil one of the most...
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Friday 22nd January
Fuck you Tumblr. Where are my posts? Eh? Eh? Give them back, you shit, you know that those words were the best words and you stole them. Stole them! I want them back! I know they made little sense and were grammatically suspect. I realise that I beautifully split my infinitives. But why? Why? On a Monday? Why?
Well, bollocks. Friday was spent doing very little, it was a short Friday at work and...
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Thursday 21st January
I’ve done this one already. It was about not playing football. It was about the Southlands Centre having a ludicrous ten till eleven court time. It was about not being that bothered about it because I was quite tired. I am quite tired as I type this, because Tumblr, in it’s infinite wisdom has lost the posts I’ve just spent at least 30 minutes each on. I am not a happy bunny. I...
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Wednesday 20th January
Wednesday, as you loyal readers know, is boxercise day. Yes Glen, I do go to boxercise, it’s very enjoyable. Or it was.
It would appear that the boxercise woman had had a very poor week. She decided to take it out on us. We punched, we ran, we crunched, we ran, we skipped (not me, I can’t), we ran, we punched again, we ran, we ran, we ran. I haven’t exerted myself that much for...
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Tuesday 19th January
After a superb full english brekky, I made my way to the office. Following a hard day’s work (something I’m certainly not used to) I was delivered to the airport in style in a Range Rover. Sitting in the back, I received all manner of startled looks (who’s he, he’s too fat to be a footballer) from other road users, which made me feel special and important. Bristol airport...
Monday 18th January
It was Bristol time, and I travelled down in the afternoon. The taxi to Newcastle airport was quite entertaining, as the driver was unable to complete even the simplest sentence without swearing like a trooper; “Tell you fucking what mate, they only fucking give you ten minutes free parking here, the bastards!”
It being the deep midwinter, the airport and flight were almost deserted. I usually go...
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Sunday 17th January
I arose from my slumber to inspect the wall. It had been basically kicked over, invariably by the kids who hang round outside it. We called the police, who sent round what appeared to be an eleven year old boy in a policeman’s uniform. They say you’re getting old when the policemen are young men, but this was taking the piss. I doubt he’s even started shaving yet.
It was marked down as criminal...
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Saturday 16th January
The wife went out drinking, leaving me home alone. I made good use of this free time, watching some films that I received for Xmas, or others had received for Xmas. First up was Star Trek, the remake by JJ Abrams. Hopes were high.
It was OK. And I mean OK, in the most average, forgettable sense of the term. The relationship of the characters was never really developed, and the way in the original...
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Friday 15th January
Christ, I hate Friday nights sometimes. Yeah, OK, there’s no work the next day, but the telly offerings are shocking, and nobody ever goes out on a Friday these days.
To reduce the boredom I decided to have a bash on the Xbox. I’m sort of between games at the moment, having finished the very average Modern Warfare 2, and with the quite-good-but-would-be-infinitely-better-with-4-humans...
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Thursday 14th January
Thursday is 5-a-side day. I was still aching from boxercise, so I wasn’t looking forward to this at all. Before the torture began though, I had to fix a PC.
I had to set up the wireless network first, easily done (those disc based installation thingys get better and better all the time) but the PC wouldn’t find the network at all. Turns out that the PC had been delivered with the...
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Wednesday 13th January
Ha! I’m back! You thought you’d got rid of me, etc etc.
Wednesday meant boxercise, and dragging my failing, bloated frame through 60 minutes of punching, blocking, running, upsitting and wretching violently.
It was packed, with all the New Year Resolution types. This meant that, when the group was spit into pads and gloves, the pads were stood for a good twenty minutes due to...
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Tuesday 12th January
Almost nothing of merit happened today. It was one of the most straightforward, dull, eventless day of my life. They say never to wish your life away, but this sort of day can fuck off for me.
But; this is as much about looking forward as it is to looking at the present. So; here are some things I’d like to do this year. Hey; some of them might happen.
See the following bands live: The XX,...
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Monday 11th January
Back to fucking work again. In the snow, again. In the cold, again. Again. I’m fucking sick of the shit weather, you know? What could I do about that?
In the evening, though, things took a turn for the better.
We booked a holiday! This is the best thing that’s happened all year. We’re going to Egypt in May for 7 nights ‘Ultra-Inclusive’, whatever the fuck that...
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Sunday January 10th
I watched 2 horrendous films. One was a low budget brit comedy about two dipshits who go on holiday and try to get a shag. It was shit, but it did no harm, had the odd plus point, don’t worry, it’s not like it cost $200m is it? That was ‘Kevin and Perry Go Large’.
The other, well, er, it was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, or Transformers 2 to give it it’s...
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Saturday January 9th
Awoke to many aches and pains due to some particularly graceless landings while ‘plaggy bagging’. Braved the snow to do a bt of shopping, thinking that all the dipshits who normally inhabit ASDA on a Saturday would be at home, safe and warm in their badly decorated council dwellings. But, alas, it wasn’t to be. If you have 8 kids, and there’s 2 parents, why no leave the...
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Friday 8th January
Vigilant readers may notice that I’ve dropped a clanger with regard to the days already. It’s fixed now, so ner-ner-ner.
Apart from being sent home from work for the FIRST TIME EVER not a great deal happened, but we headed home in high spirits in the blizzard. Upon our arrival, I lost a snowball fight against a small child, pushed a Vauxhall Vectra up a frozen incline using the power...
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Thursday 7th January
More snow today. It’s coming down in chunks now, and comparisons are being made with the legendary winter of 30 years ago. It’s just insane now. Please stop it.
Forgot to mention in yesterday’s entry, I watched ‘The Lives of Others’. It’s a quite sensational film. It’s so different from most other films, it layers things slowly, sometimes almost...
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Wednesday 6th January
Woke up in a shit mood. Journey to work was even more precarious than it has been for the last few weeks, due to a fresh snowfall (and more to come). Pretty much hit the diet wall today, but managed to get over it with unflinching willpower. I’m completely exhausted.
A fairly uneventful day, all in all, apart from an unexpected appearance from the spirits of instant karma. I’d heard...